There are several things that go through the average mother’s mind when she hears her child scream. Usually. Unless you’re me.
When I hear one my girls shrieking from the other room, my brain goes into ‘priority mode’. It actually amazes me how quickly my brain can analyze the type of scream. Then, of course, based off of the analysis, I determine the priority level, then decide if I’m even really going to do anything about it. It’s kind of like when moms know the specific cries of their newborns.

The single scream: priority level 5 : from Haley: Harper is existing near her, from Harper: something inanimate isn’t moving out of the way or Haley is existing hear her, in general: someone’s not sharing something.
Action: fight to the death.

Harper’s extended scream of doom: priority level 3: Harper has something she probably shouldn’t and Haley is looking at her.
Action: yell for them to stop since that scream will not end itself.

Haley’s extended scream of doom: priority level 4 (if followed by crying, priority level 2): this one is a gamble. The scream alone probably means Harper is standing, sitting, or jumping on Haley and it’s annoying her. If followed by a cry, she’s probably actually hurt.
Action: yelling ‘knock it off’ should do the trick, unless there is crying.. crying means I need to investigate.

Screaming in unison: priority level 5: they’re fighting over something.
Action: nah.

THAT scream: priority level 1: you know what I’m talking about. That one scream that means bad is happening. Someone’s hurt. Hurt or stuck. If it’s Harper, I will probably end up either laughing or crying. If it’s Haley, bad is happening. OR her sister took one of her coveted stuffed animals/her blanket because that shit is no joke. Or she’s hurt.
Action: time to go in and laugh, cry, or lay down the law.

There is a lot of wiggle room. Judgments are passed, decisions made, actions executed, but at the end of the day, these general guidelines seem to be pretty accurate. Again, when amazes me is the fact that my brain cycles through all of this each tome one of those little monkeys screams… no wonder I’m so freaking tired at the end of the day!



Dear Children,

Dear children,

If you cold read, I probably wouldn’t post this….

I have here, a list of things I would LOVE to tell you two little… darlings, but won’t because it will either break your baby hearts OR I simply can’t find a way to say it without cursing at you… Mommy loves you.

1. I DON’T WANT TO KISS YOU WHILE I’M ON THE TOILET. This is pretty self explanatory. Mommy’s “potty time” is already compromised by the fact that I can’t go to the bathroom in peace. Please do not open the door, come up to me, try to kiss me, then scream at me when I don’t want to kiss and poop at the same time (yes, mommies poop, too.)

2. YOU KNOW WHAT’S NOT CUTE? WAKING MY UP BY WHINING. Sorry, babies. I love you and all and there’s nothing that I would (theoretically) love more than to wake up to your cute little faces in the morning. But that horrid screech-whine hybrid noise that comes from your face-hole at whatever-o-clock in the morning just kills it for me. Be silent until I’ve had my coffee.

3. I JUST DON’T WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU. MINE, MINE, MINE. Go away when I’m eating, on the computer, drinking from my water bottle, or sneaking a snack. It’s bad enough that I guilt myself for stealing chocolate covered pretzels in general… don’t draw attention to it! My snack. And lunch? No, kids, I fed you already… Hit the road.

4. SURE IT WAS CUTE THE FIRST TIME, IT’S JUST ANNOYING NOW. Okay, it was kind of cute when you spun yourselves dizzy, flipped over the couch, and hung upside down in a weird-ass head stand thing, but let it go. I just can’t fake interest that long.

5. IT’S TRUE. I REALLY CAN’T WAIT TO DROP YOU OFF SOMEWHERE AND DO NOTHING…. WITHOUT YOU. I mean I love you.. so, so, so much and I always will. But holy Christ, you guys are just too much sometimes. I’ll say it, sometimes I just want to drop you off somewhere and sit in the house and do nothing.

If these little confessions (and trust me, there are the little ones, you KNOW there are others) make me a mean or bad mommy, then so be it… but I’m sure I’m not the only one. I love you little turds, but sometimes you make me want to hide in a corner for days at a time (that’s not weird).


HOMEMADE Creamy Chicken and Dumpling Soup in the Crock Pot! (it’s possible?!)

Today, I was looking online for a nice recipe for creamy chicken and dumpling soup to make in the crock pot…. yeah right. You know what I found? “Mix 2 cans of creamy chicken soup and water, then add in pop-n-fresh biscuits, broken into pieces and cook for an hour or two” WHAT THE CRAP?! I was pissed. Like, thanks guys, I’m so glad that’s a recipe. Now, if that’s how you cook, that’s totally cool… but that’s just not what I was expecting when I searched for an actual recipe. I’m talking from scratch, mothereffers, FROM SCRATCH. What’s good about this is that it is relatively low-carb (you can leave out the roux and make it not creamy and it would still be delicious).

So here it is… I actually made this recipe up! It’s totes mine and I love it. Even my hubby said it’s some the the best soup he’s ever had. (it’s a lot easier than it looks, I REALLY didn’t want to leave anyone stranded not knowing what to do, so I spelled it all out.) Make this and you will never love another soup like this one again…. never. ever.

Creamy Crock Pot Chicken and Dumpling Soup


  • 1 – 2 lbs chicken (I used the leg quarters because they are so tender in soup and fall right off the bone – and they’re usually cheap)
  • 62.5 oz chicken broth + 14.5 oz water (1- 48oz College In Low sodium chicken broth + 1 – 14.5 oz can of chicken broth + 1 can full of water. Feel free to chance this up, but make sure you cover the chicken with liquid in the crock pot!)
  • 2 large (3 small) carrots, diced medium
  • 3 stalks celery, diced
  • 1 large onion, diced medium – large (you want the onions to still be onions after sitting in the crock pot all day!)
  • Spices! Try thyme, sage, parsley, oregano, rosemary, lemon pepper, garlic powder, and a little salt.
  • 5 Tablespoons flour
  • 5 Tablespoons butter
  • 1 Cup milk

For the dumplings:

  • 2 Cups flower
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 Tablespoon garlic powder
  • 3/4 – 1 Cup COLD water 


  • Place Chicken quarters, broth, water, veggies, and spices in the crock pot and turn to high.
  • Cook on high for about 2 hours, stirring occasionally. Turn the crock pot down to low and let it cook for another 1 – 1.5 hours, or until the chicken in cooked and falling off the bone. (You can also leave this on low for about 6 hours or so, instead of starting it off at high)
  • Take the chicken out of the crock pot and separate all the bones out. You can also shred up the chicken and cut pieces that are a little big.
  • In a saucepan, combine the butter and flour together, and stir the whole time (this ensures you cook the flower without burning it)
  • Add in the cup of milk and STIR, STIR, STIR! (you will end up with something that kind of looks like mashed potatoes)
  • Add some of the chicken broth from the crock pot to the roux (this is called tempering) until it is nice and creamy, then add the whole thing into the crock pot and stir it around.
  • Let this cook on high while you mix up the dumplings.
  • To prepare the dumplings: Mix the flour, salt, and spices together in a bowl and make a well in the middle. Slowly add in a little bit of the water, mix, and then a little more, mix, then the rest of it. (Don’t kid yourselves here; you need to be using those hands for this!) Finally knead the dough out on a clean, floured surface. Let the dough rest for a few minutes so it can breathe and get ready to be yummy. Finally grab little, 1 inch pieces and roll them into a ball-like shape and you’re good to go!
  • Drop the dumplings into the soup but MAKE SURE you stir the soup up before you add the dumplings because if you do it after ,you will just break them up into mush.
  • Let this whole thing cook for about another 45 minutes to an hour (depending on the size of the dumplings)
  • Serve
  • Happy dance.

Please do me a solid and if you post this someplace else, let me know or link back to me. It would be awesome. 🙂

A not-so-great picture of my soup!

A not-so-great picture of my soup!

You NEED To Plan Your Meals. Like, Really.

Cheap-o tips:

  1. plan your meals.
  2. Plan them around the sales.
  3. But what you need.
  4. Don’t forget lunch and breakfast.
  5. Probably get a snack or plan that out, too.

But really though. I grocery shopped for my family for $72.40 this week AND I have delicious stuff planned for these guys.

BREAKFAST is easy. Bars, cereal, oatmeal, yogurt… those things are easy and at least one of them is almost always on sale somewhere.

LUNCH is a tough one. If there is extra money int he food budget, I’ll pick myself up some Lean Cuisines. Otherwise, almost any combo of yogurt, those pouches I make (also good for breakfast!), cheese, fruit, veggies, or some chicken nuggets/hot dogs even (don’t lie, you know you do it) will work.

DINNER has gotten so much easier for me. Here’s why (I know it’s a little blurry):

better menu


The point is, it’s a menu. Not only do I not have to think about what’s for dinner, answer any questions about what we’re having, stand there like an ass in the grocery store, figuring out what I’m gonna use some obscure thing for, but I also sound fancy. Who doesn’t want to be organized AND fancy? I know you are tiling your head (maybe even raising an eyebrow) in agreement. Exactly.

How did I come up with all that awesomeness? Well, I looked to see what was on sale and what I had in the freezer, and went for recipes with included those things. Usually, I start with the protein, since meat is usually the most expensive part of a dish, then go from there. I get a lot of recipes online and from other people. This week alone, 3 of the dinners on my menu are either new or something I’ve only had once, at someone else’s house. You can pull recipes from diabetic sites, too. Doing that will hopefully help to curb junk dinners because not only do you make things that are healthier, but you also don’t pick on crappy food or order pizza because you don’t want to deal with the whole “what’s for dinner” pain in the butt discussion.

Some of the things on there, like the roast and stew, are going to use the same piece of meat. I spent 10 dollars on the roast. That seems like a lot until you realize that I’m using it for 2 night’s meals. The chicken (though this time I happen to have leg quarters in the freezer for soup) can be made using one family pack of chicken, split into 2 portions.

The other thing I started doing, which has little to do with saving money and more to do with saving time, is prepping my veggies and stuff ahead of time and freezing it. I know a lot of people don’t like to freeze fresh veggies, but I’m all for it. I have never noticed anything off about them afterwards. Today, I went shopping, came home, put the baby down for a nap, and while she was sleeping, cut all the veggies that I needed for dinner for the week up and bagged them (I labeled the bags with what was in there, the date, and what it was for – you don’t need to). This saves me from messing up my kitchen (even more) when I make dinner and it stops me from having to cut veggies more than once because, really, who wants to prep veggies all the time?


What my Girls are Teaching me About Self Image. (RealTalk)

Haley has been kind of a pain in the ass about getting dressed lately, specifically when it comes to what fits her. She’s teeny and although she turned 4 in July, she still fits into some 3t things (especially her pants). Her closet is mostly 4t stuff except for  few pairs of jeans and a shirt of two which made the “it still fits her” cut when we packed away summer clothes and stuff she grew out of. (there’s a point to this)

A while back, she asked me about why her clothes are only 3 and why her sister is 12, even though sissy is smaller. Later, when I had to pack away one of her favorite shirts because it didn’t fit anymore, I told her that she was 4 and that meant that she got to wear 4t things. (I’m getting there…)

Yesterday, I was packing away the last of the clothes (you know, those few things that slip through because they were in the wash when you packed stuff away?) and I asked her if a pair of sweatpants still fit her or if they were too short (her waist fits into a lit of 3t, but they are to short on her) and she immediately just asked me what size the pants were. Now, the pants were a size 3t, and I knew that, but I knew she wore them, since they were in the wash. What got me was that she never even looked at the pants to see what I was asking her about, only for the size. Had I told her they were a 3, she would have said they were too small and packed them away, but instead, I asked responded with “I didn’t ask you what size they were, I asked you if they were too short.” And she responded with “no” (she later tried them on and they fit her fine)

This got me thinking: What is it about us that makes up focus so much on the size of our pants? It couldn’t possibly be drilled into her head that she’s got to fit into “her” size already, could it? Surely not. Her response really drove home the emphasis that even I put on my pants size. I’m sure this is just a phase or something I’m making a mountain out of, but it really got me thinking.

At what age do girls start feeling pressure to look a certain way or fit into a certain size? I highly doubt Haley didn’t want to keep 3t sweats because she was going to be made fun of for wearing them, but what if she did? When will she? I know that body image and confidence are sensitive subjects, and I know that she is old enough to hear someone call her fat and get upset by it, but is she old enough to care about what the scale or tag say?

Why do we have such an infatuation with numbers? Why can’t most people just go by how they feel? That’s something that I have been asking myself for the last day or so since I had this epiphany (the pink pants epiphany). If anyone is interested in weighing in, feel free.

Also, with the weekend closing in, I just want to remind everyone that my giveaway ends Monday at midnight!

Success is an Empty Laundry Basket.

I’m talking about you, laundry room.

No one likes laundry. It’s pretty much proven by science. My least favorite part is hanging stuff up (I hate it more than folding stuff). I would probably never even go IN my laundry room if it weren’t a hallway area that I need to pass through to get to my bedroom.

Today is day 2 of laundry for me and I’m proud to report ALL OF MY LAUNDRY IS DONE

That’s right! Towels, kids clothes, mine and hubby’s clothes, all done!

Seeing this laundry-less side of life makes me what to change and be a better person; get the laundry done as it’s dirtied. We all know people don’t do this…. but hey, a girl can dream.

And that, kids, is the story of the time I went against my best instincts, and conquered the laundry-beast.

Learn from my legacy.

And don’t forget to enter my giveaway!

10 Ways Living With a Toddler is Like Being in Prison


As a parent, your schedule is often dictated by the needs of your child, especially when that child is young. With that in mind, many aspects of the parenting experience could be compared with prison – complete with a sadistic little warden who harbors a Napoleon complex. ;)

10 Ways Having a Toddler is Like Being in Prison

  • You can’t do anything without constant supervision
  • Every morning begins with someone screaming at you to wake up
  • You’re always terrified something bad will happen when you’re in the shower
  • You’re always terrified someone is going to crawl into your bed in the middle of the night
  • Meal time is fraught with tension
  • Someone’s always watching you go to the bathroom
  • You never get to choose the movie and then it’s hard to hear it over all the hooting and hollering
  • You’re always terrified someone is going to punch, bite, tackle, stab or attack you with some kind of makeshift weapon
  • Contraband — like booze, chocolate and adult entertainment — must be smuggled in and consumed in secret
  • Conjugal visits are hard to come by, require intense scheduling, and are often interrupted


BONUS: One Way Having a Toddler is NOT Like Being in Prison

  • Being placed in solitary confinement is a reward, not a punishment

(source: huffpostparentsDad and Buried)