Re-(re-re-re-)finding Myself.

Being home for over a week now, and being off pain pills for a few days now, I’ve had some time to get to know my new self and I’m pretty happy with me.

Being home for 5 years with the girls was an awesome gift (even though I wanted to return it some days), but it made me kind of miss out on who I was as a person, I was just mom. All the time. Then I went back to work and had some time to become me. I could do me things, on my time, with people who knew for me, not just “Haley and Harper’s mom”, and it was great. It still is great.

The downside to having a job is I’m always working (go figure). I miss a lot of time with the kids. Time with hubby. Time with myself. Having this time off for recovery is kind of nice because it’s giving me time to meet myself as Emily, not just mom. I feel like this is a really important thing for anyone to have the time to do. Think about it, when was the last time you had nothing to do but be you? I mean yes, I have the girls to take of, and I’m still sore as hell from getting gut like a fish, but I can still just do me right now and it’s awesome. That being said, I don’t know how I will feel about all this free time in another week or so (I can’t really do nothing for very long).

I found out that new me enjoys beer and home made sangria, loves to actually make plans and stick to them, likes a clean house that smells nice, makes fun jokes about everything, hates yelling (crazy mom me loved to yell), likes to play on the floor with the kids (as much as possible now), actually dislikes cooking a bit, is a lot more chilled out than I realized, and loves to have fun. That last one is a big one because while i was home, I sheltered myself. I didn’t want drag the kids everywhere or make everyone deal with a crying baby all the time. Now, granted, my kids are bigger now (it’s been 11 months that I have been back at work) so it’s easier to travel with them and they don’t cry nearly as much as they did, but I never would have realized that if I hadn’t gone back to work.

I was walking around the other night with my Redd’s green apple ale, I had just gotten home from dinner with my dad and I was heading to the computer to blog it up, and it hit me: I’m effing happy. Like, real happy. It kind of feels like I just made a new friend, but it’s me. Weird.

This is good, guys. You should all do this. Just take a week off to do nothing. I mean, clean your house or something if you want, but make plans, have fun, grab a few drinks, and re-discover who you are at this point in your life. I feel like that’s something that everyone should do periodically to kind of keep track of who you are, no? Wouldn’t you want to know? It’s not something that I would have thought to had I not had this opportunity completely accidentally.

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Faith, Love, and Ovaries. (my surgery story)

2015 has been a weird year for me. I went through a lot of changes and B.S this year. Some of it was okay, some sucked, it was mostly hard (for everyone), but as always, we pulled through,

I was sick a lot this year. Actually sick. I had pneumonia for my birthday in January, went to the ER with crazy chest pain and found out I had pleurisy in August, then the doctor found a big ol’ fibroid in my uterus, and am now 1.5 weeks post-op from a hysterectomy.

For those of you not lucky to go through pleurisy or know what it is, it’s hell. Like actually hell. It’s an inflammation in the lining of the lungs that causes insane amounts of pain that you kind of have to deal with until it passes in about 2 weeks or so. It’s super uncomfortable and that’s just kind of that. It’s usually caused by a viral infection. Unless you’re me. And have no sign of infection. Boo. Here’s some, probably more technical, info about pleurisy, fyi.

A week or 2 after I went to the ER, my regular doctor sent me for some tests to see what the cause of the pleurisy was. I went for a contrast CT scan and found out I had a fibroid catching a free ride in my uterus. Not cool. A visit to the obgyn later, I’m scheduled for a hysterectomy. It was that fast, sort of. It felt like 4 years, not weeks, between when I scheduled the surgery and when they actually made the incision.

Hysterectomies aren’t what they were years ago when my generations mom’s were getting them, thankfully. Today, most of them are done laparoscopically. This means that they cut a few small holes and do everything with a camera and small instruments that cut and cauterize your insides then they pull it all out through your business, sew you back up, and you’re good to go. Further, they have robotic assisted laparoscopic surgeries that are just so cool, tbh. Da Vinci is the name of the whole procedure.  I linked their website if you are interested. But they pretty much cut the same little holes (I have 5!) and use the camera for the surgery, but the surgeon controls these little robot-like instruments that do a Riverdance in your tummy and crunch up your uterus and pieces and pull the rest through your business. That’s the one that I had. BIONIC SURGERY. So cool.

My surgery date was September 24th, 10 days ago. So far, recovery has been tough. I only recently (within the last 2-3 days or so) have been up and walking around. Apparently, my bladder was stuck to my c-section scar (adhesive disease the doc said), so the doctor cut it free and relocated it back to where it should be. That’s kind of weird and uncomfortable. (why does it hurt when I pee?!) I also had an allergic reaction to the surgical staples (super lucky) so that’s making for a very itchy recovery, for sure. I definitely think this recovery is tougher than c-section recovery was, though.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Surgical recovery sucks either way you cut it (see what I did there?!). I’m not too bummed about not having anymore kids because I actually had my tubes tied after #2 because of all the complications from having type 2 diabetes. Life is still good though because I will be healed and then in no more pain (and no periods, so that’s a plus for real).

Any ladies up against surgery though, feel free to shoot me an email or private message or comment (whichever makes you feel most comfortable) because I’m here for you. I’ll let you know my experiences more in detail if you want to know, help answer any questions you might have for me, or just have your back and remind you that it’s gonna be alright, even though you’re so scared it’s making you a crazy person, because I was there.