My New Diet Plan!

Yesterday was a morning like every other one: Harper woke me up by screaming at the top of her lungs (not crying, just screaming for fun), Haley let herself into the room to wake me up some more (in case the screaming didn’t work, I guess), hubs was at work, and I begrudgingly stomped out of bed, grabbed the baby, changed a diaper and headed straight to the kitchen for feeding time at the zoo. Bleary-eyed, I grabbed two cups, filled them each half way with water, grabbed two breakfast bars, and headed to the fridge for 2 kids yogurts, the juice, and some greek yogurt for myself (I have no idea how I manage to remember all these things while so sleepy…). That’s when my new diet plan hit me in the face like ton of bricks.  I opened the fridge and there it was: A freaking spider. Just chillin’ there. Dangling from a strand of evil, guarding the contents of my fridge with his man-eating fang-face. NOPE.

Now, am I exaggerating? Eh. Maybe a little? Hell no. That was a messed up thing to do to me first thing in the morning, spider.

What did I do? 

Shut that door and walked the hell away. The kids got a juice box from under the kitchen cart, I ate nothing for breakfast, and the kids got 2 breakfast bars a piece. Do I feel badly about that? Not. One. Bit. Nope. It was way too early for that crap.

So, of course I tell hubs all about this horrible thing that happened to me and he laughed, telling me that he was going to put spiders in the fridge all the time as my diet plan! Dammit. He was right! That bug-eyed bastard kept me out of the fridge all day! I did have to check all over and reach in for the coffee creamer (thank God it was right in the front!) because well, let’s face it, a day without coffee is hardly a day at all.

So folks, that does it. Want to curb your eating? Just pop a spider in the fridge. If you’re anything like me, you’ll never open that thing again!



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