Let me set the scene: White suburban family in a moderate American home. Husband, wife, two kids, a dog, and a cat. American dream. Until one day the event that changed the world picks up: TEETHING. (dun dun dunnnnn). Yup, all you parents out there who have gone through teething can relate, I know. If your kids haven’t started yet, you probably don’t want to read this… it’s terrifying.
Harper started teething a few weeks ago, but this week it finally got really bad. We’re talking Tylenol and Orajel for sure. Like Haley, Harper won’t take those frozen ring teethers. Sometimes she goes for her little toys or even a Victoria’s Secret PINK puppy (don’t knock it till you try it, those things work wonders!). Her favorite thing to gnaw away at though: FINGERS. Yeah. This kid chomps down on hands, arms, chest, fingers, anything like she’s on baby bath salts. I feel terribly for her, but can we leave Mommy’s limbs intact please?
To go along with the bath salts thing, there’s the no sleep thing. I love that one. Now, I knew going into this baby thing that there was going to be little sleep (Haley didn’t sleep through the night for the first time until she was 13 months old, consistently at 18 months). Gradually, it came to be that I had the best kids in the world sleepwise… THEY SLEPT UNTIL 9 EVERYDAY. It was glorious. Harper rarely got up at night, Haley was sleeping through the night, it was a beautiful thing. THEN this terrible teething thing happened, and now my little angel wakes up with the fire of Hell as she’s screaming at me twice a night. To make it better, Haley gets up at 7 now, and likes to let everyone know she’s awake. COOL.
Parents, you know the drill. Baby wakes up at WTF o’clock in the morning wanting a bottle and you stumble across the house like a drunk sailor, cursing and fumbling to make a bottle. Well, I have a problem with that. A few years ago, the only thing that had me stumbling around in the middle of the night was a 50 dollar bar tab. It was much more fun that way. It seems like if I have to be stumbling around, I ought to have a few laughs or something, no? No, I guess not.
Anyone out there got any good ideas for soothing El Diablo in the middle of the night OR any good suggestions for teethers so we can stop the bath salts thing? Right now I’ve got slobber-logged fingers, and I’m stumbling like a drunk sailor and there is night chance of a 50 dollar bar tab in my future.